Wedding Etiquette 101

Wedding Etiquette 101:  The Wedding Gifts and Thank You Notes

Having a wedding should not be all about the gifts.  It is important to remember that a wedding is about two people pledging their lives to one another because they are in love.  In that vein, the wedding gifts are just an extra bonus for the bride and groom.  Yet those gifts have their own set of etiquette rules that should be followed to avoid any hard feelings or disagreements.

Do:

• Use your bridal shower invitations to publicize your registry information.
• Use “word-of-mouth” to ask for cash-gifts or gift certificates.
• Register for honeymoon gifts.
• Return all gifts (including shower gifts) if the wedding is cancelled.
• Send Thank-You notes for all gifts given.
• Put notes about wedding gifts on your wedding website.  You can put the website link in your wedding invitation.

Don’t:

• Mention gifts on the invitation.
• Use the gifts before the wedding.
• Wait more than two weeks to cash checks given as gifts.

When you write out your Thank You notes, there is also some etiquette to be followed.  Not only is it a nice to thank those that were kind enough to give you a gift and share you day with you, it is also important to send Thank You notes so that people know you received the gift.  It is awkward for them to have to ask if you received the gift they sent, especially if they were unable to attend the wedding.

Do:

• Handwrite your notes.
• Send notes to friends and family that arranged showers and other parties for you.  Thank them for the party and the gifts.
• Send separate notes for each gift, even if the gifts are from the same person.
• Put your new return address on all cards.
• Use “you” more often than “I” or “me” in your thank you notes.
• Use “Dearest” in addressing close friends and relatives – i.e. “Dearest Aunt Bea,” – and “Dear” in addressing everyone else.
• Write separate notes to each person that contributed to a group gift if there were less than 10 people involved.  If more than 10 contributed, you can write one card and post it on a bulletin board.
• Split up the responsibility of writing the notes.  While more notes are written by the bride, the groom can also write the notes.
• Keep your notes and materials in one spot so they are easy to find.
• Use your invitation list as a guideline for writing notes and for addresses.

Don’t:

• Use pre-printed notes.  It is tacky and tells people that their gift did not really mean anything to you.
• Use colored ink.  It is tacky.  Use traditional blue or black ink no matter how well the fancy pen matches your bridesmaids’ dresses.
• Wait too long to write the notes.  Try to complete the notes within the first month after the wedding.
• Feel the need to be too creative.  Keep your notes simple but personal.